If you want to change, then change your thinking
“If you want to change, you have to change your thinking and instill in you the passion to give it deep and profound consideration” Anonymous
Has anyone ever said that to you as a caregiver? Has anyone ever said, if you want to suffer less, reduce your anger and guilt, and become less stressed, then you will need to change the way you think? Instead, we are told to exercise, make time for friends and family, get help, take respite, get a massage... you get the picture.
These are all good ideas because without us realising it, these “distractions” or changes to our reality allow us to change our chemical balance without even being aware of what is happening. But caregivers don’t have the luxury to be unaware of what is happening to them. This is what causes us to spiral down and today I am here to ask the question, why has nobody ever told us that we need to think differently?
There are scientific reasons for becoming aware of our thoughts. Our thoughts, which become feelings are connected to very specific hormones in the body. When you feel anger, guilt, shame or fear you are going to activate certain survival chemicals in your adrenal system. When you feel sad, your body will produce lower levels of serotonin and dopamine.
These thoughts are activated in the three bottom chakras of the body (the root, sacral and solar plexus from the base of the spine to the upper stomach) which are all focused on our survival, reproduction, digestion and elimination. If these three centers are overly stimulated, in general, it is very difficult to open the fourth heart chakra also known as Anahata which is loosely translated as “unhurt”. This chakra governs ones sense of trust, fearlessness, peace, generosity, gratitude and connectedness as well as change and transformation, healthy boundaries, depth in relationships with others, emotional control and love for oneself.
If you aren’t feeling the characteristics of the fourth chakra at this time, it is because you are still activating chemicals that are mainly focused on your survival. Not feeling the fourth chakra would feel like... hard-hearted, brokenhearted, unhappy, lonely, insecure, easily hurt, unable to receive love, distant from others, shut down emotionally, or holding onto resentment or bitterness. Does this sound familiar? It’s not your fault. Nobody has pointed any of this out to you. We think what we see and how we have chosen to see it... is what it is.
To get out of this loop, the path must start with an integrative approach that includes self-observation and self-awareness, slowing down the mind with exercises to develop focus and control, and a gradual and persistent willingness to become aware of your thoughts and then change them by creating new experiences on which the mind and body can turn its attention.
This is where we begin... The time has come for the caregiver predicament to be treated holistically with a new understanding and approach.
