Caregiving is an opportunity to wake up!

I work with caregivers who struggle with so many emotions. The fears, the what-ifs, the anger, the deep sadness of watching someone they love become less and less the person they knew and time and again I hear them asking, how can I possibly live through all of this and still live my life? This question is at the essence of the caregiver predicament and for most, it is as if we are at war with ourselves.

We reprimand ourselves for feeling a certain way. We tell ourselves we should know better. We deny ourselves what arises and then we see, as time passes, that we are locked in deep states of emotion that have become our reality and our personality. We have closed our eyes to possibility and potential and can only see what we have memorized, what our bodies are reminding us of, the habits that we have developed, the aches and pains, the beliefs that back it all up until we feel lost and unsure who we are anymore.

Each time I work with a caregiver, I see the effects of this war. The hypervigilance, the inability to rest, the pains in their body, the trauma, the growing wariness of the world and people around them and I ask myself, how can I possibly help this person move out of this chronic state of survival that has closed off any chance for potential or the unknown?

What will allow them to reconnect with their bodies in a more peaceful way? The Buddha said, "There is one thing, that when cultivated and regularly practiced, leads to deep spiritual intention, to peace, to mindfulness, and clear comprehension, to vision and knowledge, to a happy life here and now, and to the culmination of wisdom and suffering. And what is that one thing? Mindfulness centered on the body."

And you might ask yourself, what does that mean? What can I possibly learn from becoming mindful of my body? And yet, as I showed you in my post the other day when I was out walking, becoming mindful or aware of the age-old fear I have of speaking up for myself, of allowing myself to feel abundant and free, these old memorized emotions that I don't wish to feel anymore are perhaps, the very center of my waking up. We don't have to deny them. We just need to observe them and rethink them if we are ready so that we can consciously recreate our day.

This is I believe the opportunity that caregiving presents each and every one of us. It is the opportunity to see the great pain we suffer and then through a process of awakening, we begin to see that our mind has become so limited with our own survival that we are unable to see the millions of other details that surround us any moment we wish to open our eyes.

This is what we caregivers need to practice. We need to come back to the generous present moment over and over again. We forget so quickly. It's OK. We're up against so much and our bodies are not helping us. Munindra-ji, a Buddhist teacher was asked, "Why do you practice?" And his response was, "So I will see the tiny purple flowers by the side of the road as I walk into town each day." And his larger response, "to live life fully."

Can we live life fully as caregivers? I know we can. We have to be willing to let go of the past understanding that life is an eternal series of nows.