Caregiver trauma
"Sometimes we encounter experiences that so violate our sense of safety, order, predictability, and right, that we feel utterly overwhelmed - unable to integrate, and simply unable to go on as before. Unable to bear reality. We have come to call these shattering experiences trauma. None of us is immune to them." Stephen Cope.
I seem to tiptoe around the word trauma because it is such a huge topic and many of us go around with it, to some degree, undiagnosed. While there is a great deal to say about trauma, today I would like to just bring this subject out into the open for us to share.
Veteran trauma specialist Pat Ogden writes, "any experience that is stressful enough to leave us feeling helpless, frightened, overwhelmed, or profoundly unsafe is considered a trauma." From witnessing or experiencing violence, to losing or caring for a loved one, to being targeted by oppression, people can experience trauma in a variety of ways.
For many, being exposed to a singular trauma event won't produce long-term consequences. We're impacted but can metabolize the experience - meaning we can process through the thoughts, memories and emotions without becoming overwhelmed and stuck. But sometimes, we can develop symptoms that extend past a traumatic event. This can include ongoing flashbacks, agonizing physical sensations, or volatile emotional reactions that emerge without warning. Some kind of alarm system inside of us doesn't switch off, and a traumatic experience comes to wreak havoc with our body and mind.
This is known as posttraumatic stress - an experience where traumatic symptoms live on past the traumatic event. Because we are unable to integrate the experience, the imprint of trauma follows us into the present, destined to replay itself over and over again. Posttraumatic stress fundamentally challenges the notion that time can heal all wounds. Thoughts, memories, and emotions become cut off from our experience or continually flood our field of consciousness. We can find ourselves out of balance and unable to trust our senses. Our bodies continue to respond with alarm even though people close to us may try to reassure us otherwise.
Van der Kolk described it this way, "Traumatized people... do not feel safe inside - their own bodies have become booby-trapped. As a result, it is not OK to feel what you feel and know what you know, because your body has become the container of dread and horror. The enemy who started on the outside is transformed into an inner torment."
You may have already walked into your caregiving experience with a background of trauma or you have experienced trauma while providing care for your loved one. If you are finding it hard to step out of the loop "the container of dread and horror", then I would strongly suggest you seek out a trauma specialist because there is a great deal you to can do to reintegrate yourself and lessen its impact.
As a part of the webinars I am preparing on the subject of stress, I will be inviting my very own mother, Dr Anita Shkedi PhD, who has recently written a book called Horses Heal PTSD: Walking New Pathways to talk about trauma. Anita is a pioneer of therapeutic horseback riding in Israel, where she has dedicated her life to the physically challenged. She is also an internationally acknowledged expert in the treatment of Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). She is also a family caregiver for her husband who has early onset frontotemporal dementia.
Next week, I will send out dates for my Webinar series. I believe this will be a fascinating conversation that will help us further understand not only the subject of trauma but also how our undiagnosed trauma may be impacting our ability to self-regulate as we continue to provide care for our loved ones.
