With true self-compassion would we do caregiving differently?

Japanese Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi has a famous quote: "All of you are perfect just as you are. And you could use a little improvement." The second sentence sounds like a sly insult, but it's actually an invitation into deep self-love. It's an opportunity to adore oneself so completely that imperfections are part of the perfection of your being.

So what does self-compassion look like? We need to:

• Forgive ourselves for makings mistakes - this can be SOOO liberating when we start.

• Become aware of our inner voice that is so critical

• Notice the good in things

• Give ourselves encouragement

• Create boundaries and learn how to say no to obligations

• Not need approval for every decision

• Stop pleasing

• Not allow our attention to be hijacked

• Not allow our decisions to be determined by unhealthy habits and patterns

To do this, to start acting like the powerful people that we were actually created to be... we have to overcome ourselves and it's not easy. We have to overcome our chemical emotions - our fears, the little voice in our head. For years, decades, we have walked around with limiting beliefs, not loving ourselves and now... we have to walk past our limited views of ourselves and our reality in order to focus on our vision of how we would like our life to be. This becomes the opportunity. Caregiving can push us to that place.

Sebene Selessie in You Belong writes, "All of these require me to cultivate awareness and presence, which requires me to slow down, which require me to create space and time for meditation or other contemplative practices "No" requires pausing. Pausing is a radical "no."

So why is all this necessary for caregivers... why do we need to love ourselves with abandon? Yes you know why. If you don't get really good at this... it's going to be very hard for you to raise the bar and start to step out of the caregiver predicament.